Don’t buy a "chimney sweep" on Craigslist unless you’re into that sort of thing

Every once in a while you hear about an enterprising drug dealer busted for selling their wares out of a fast food drive through. The most common method is to arrange some codeword order (“eight chocolate milkshakes”) that corresponds to the illegal substances. Obviously you need something that is suitably rare, otherwise awkward mistakes occur and some soccer mom gets an eightball instead of chili fries.

Equally, I’m convinced that similar shadow economies exist on places like eBay and Craigslist. I mean it’s pretty well established that “doing fences and gates” means you’re hiring a submissive bottom for adult pleasures. And “smog check” means “I’ll show up at your place in a diaper and clown makeup. We’ll watch Battlestar Galactica. And then you’ll throw somewhere between six and a dozen cheese slices at my chest while I dance” (“smog check test only” means that the cheese will be vegan organic).

And it’s not just services. If you buy a “vintage pearl pin” expect a litter of illegally imported Bengal tigers to be delivered (the photos accompanying this item represent the number and lineage of the tigers you’re purchasing).

Oh, and I’ll forewarn you that “hot fun with this playmate (outcall)” is actually a young man offering temporary stenography services. Imagine my embarrassment.

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