I don’t have mentors, I have role models. True mentorship is powerful but it’s become self-proclaimed, over-used and diluted to the point where, in many situations, it’s basically value signaling and social proof instead of a true commitment. It particularly rankles me when someone unilaterally says they’re somebody else’s mentor. That’s like insisting you’re good at sex – only the *other* person should be able to credit you with that skill.
Role models for me are people where for at least one facet of their lives have shown me a style, a path, a framework, by which I think it’s helpful to understand and, well, mimic is the wrong word, but maybe be inspired by? A role model doesn’t need to be perfect across all their attributes — if you who haven’t been a great husband or father I wouldn’t learn from those aspects of your life, but if they’ve professionally gone down a path in a manner which helps me understand my own career they’re certainly applicable. This greatly increases the candidate pool of role models and also doesn’t turn it into a purity test (obviously there are extreme types of personalities or transgressions that I might find so distasteful that it makes it impossible to think of them in a positive manner in any form).
And role models don’t even need to know they’re serving this purpose for you! Although (a) it’s nice to tell people that they’ve impacted you positively and (b) you need to do the work to get to know them somehow, even if it’s from afar, because otherwise you risk misunderstanding what seems appealing to you.
Role modeling also scales. You can’t truly mentor many people at any one time but you can be a role model to anyone, no matter where they live, how much access they have, or any other differences. All you need to do (as one) is to put enough of yourself our there consistently while also doing a little listening to folks who seem to be paying attention. Let their interest pull more disclosure and openness out of you versus just telling a single story repeatedly or thinking you understand exactly what is important. It’s like velcro – hang out there, let people brush against you (so to speak) and many will catch.
Find role models. Be a role model.
here’s a recent interview i did which you might enjoy















