Was hanging out at a friend son’s 1 year birthday party the other day. A friend had his kid in one of those front-mounted Bjorn baby holders. It looked cute but the kid was pretty useless because, well, two month old infants don’t really do much.

But it had such sense of possibility because what if there was, like, a six year old in the harness. Or a midget. Then you’d have totally another set of arms that could do stuff for you. Doc Oc! Like you could be dealing a hand of poker and your six year old could be opening the next beer for you. Or in the kitchen the midget could chop onions while you dice carrots on a second cutting board. Imagine the efficiency!

Unfortunately the official Bjorns are only recommended for up to 25 lbs. So i’m totally going to need to black market this thing. I wonder if someone on Etsy can make me one that can support up to 75 lbs.